Dumper wants to be friends

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• This will make the dumper feel more powerful and guilty for hurting their ex. If your ex suddenly starts behaving better after the breakup, it’s a clear sign he just wants to be friends. Allow yourself to start building a new life outside of the former relationship and do what you need to do to The dumper not reaching out doesn't always mean it's because they don't want to. If they are already in the dating pool again, but are keeping in touch with you on a friendship basis…. Speaking of hurtful reasons why your ex might want to be friends, this is one of them. When he wishes he hadn’t dumped you, he generally shuts down. c. 4). Smearing is a complete power move- it’s an attempt to knock you down while simultaneously boosting their ego. If the dumper dumped you for a valid reason they most probably will not want to know you. If your ex is delaying giving stuff back, that’s a sure sign they’re still interested in you. Mar 5, 2018 · Dumpers who apologize after years tend to do so because they get hit by karma. They Want to Keep You as Backup. 1 2. This can be a very good thing, believe it or not! It is a sign that she is still holding on to you, and doesn’t want to let go. It relieves your ex of their guilt. Why do some dumpers ask dumpees to be friends after a breakup?WEBSITE - https://www. Manly shares five Apr 25, 2024 · Read more about why your ex wants to stay friends with you: 💭12 reasons why your ex wants to be friends! The bottom line: Defining a fearful avoidant dumper. Jan 26, 2024 · They're Unreliable. I soon initiated semi-no contact, where I engaged a bit over social media & texting, but kept it minimal [we also work together, so NC is a bit more complicated]. as a dumpee i get it, they put us aside suddenly or unexpectedly, so its a little bit of a desperate move. Fear of Abandonment. They are left to deal with themselves which they absolutely despise. You feel exhausted and stressed after talking to them. He brings up positive memories. Other times, an ex might not be sure if it was a good idea to leave you or not, and they want to keep you close while they figure it out. I’m having a hard enough time getting over him as it is… staying “friends” would just make it harder. Or, if your goal is to move on, don't be friends. It involves cutting off all communication with your ex, giving yourself the space and time to detach emotionally and focus on self-improvement. 36. My heart is heavy. The dumpee is a “victim” of the dumper. He felt stressed and suffocated. My ex GF of 5 years (31) dumped me while I was away with work, cheated and ran off with a coworker. They want you back, but they don’t want to admit it. Mar 5, 2018 · That means your ex-boyfriend wants to be friends to keep you around for convenience rather than love. There could be many reasons as to why they want to be friends such as getting over you by using you, having you as a backup or emotional support when things go wrong with a relationship, keeping tabs on you, etc. They want you as a safe fallback if something goes wrong in their lives (if their new girl/boyfriend dumps them unexpectedly). Especially, if he told you to find a new boyfriend and to move on. Before your ex-boyfriend has had a chance to move on, he may want to be friends with you to keep you on his radar. It’s probably best if we don’t talk for a while. dateme. As for me, I'm doing a lot better but it still hurts sometime. Aug 22, 2022 · If your child has been “dumped” by a friend…. You're the one depressed in the end. Even though avoidants are often characterized by their emotional detachment, the fear of abandonment is a less visible but still present concern. Be comforting and supportive of your child. Feels they're not allowed to contact the dumpee due to having hurt them. It's a win win for them: they get to leave the relationship, while still keeping you a part of their life so they don't get depressed. Here are some steps to take to establish boundaries and stand up for yourself: 1. The dumper might initially blame the dumpee. It is happening to me right now. She moved out of our house while I was away. Instead, he acts like the break-up never even happened. Aug 8, 2023 · Like venting, dumping can certainly go both ways: If you feel like your friends are often dumping on you, perhaps you're also returning the favor ( er, well, insult). Mar 17, 2010 · story of my life. These are relationship assumptions or beliefs that although not often spoken out aloud; drive many of our actions. One person will meet someone new first, and discard the other. They might have accepted this as some kind of challenge to prove to the world that they are an amazing person and loved equally by one and all. That despite our situation, I want to start over. You must remember that your ex wants the best of both worlds (friendship and a breakup). Oct 24, 2023 · The concept of no contact after a breakup is often recommended as a way to heal, gain clarity, and potentially rebuild a relationship. Dumper wants to meet - need thoughts. (For the record, I personally think that you should at least try, because it could end really well and for me that small chance is enough. If you and your ex were friends before you dated, they might want to get back to that dynamic. However, if the dumper comes crawling back to the dumpee, they often get shot down. Then, tells you how much your life is going to suck if you do Apr 7, 2023 · Chances are, they’re ignoring you because they know it’ll get you worked up. As he is unsure of his feelings he needs to get that space from you and you are going to have to accept that right now he needs time away from you. Ive heard from friend that he went back to his ex- he left her to me then after he dumped me he got back to her right away. Sep 24, 2018 · Set Some Boundaries. Humans are, by nature, creatures of habit. It was a really nice conversation and we reminisced and updated on each other’s lives and even did some of our dumb jokes. 3. It’s their way of avoiding guilt and shifting blame. Mar 26, 2008 · So I was dumped about a month and a half ago, long story she just needed time and space to think and whatnot. The other one I never spoke to again. The left-behind friend feels crushed. [1] They miss your friendship. You are the type of guy who constantly does nice favors and they don't want to loose you. They ask to keep the lines of communication open, ask the be friends and object or react with protest behaviour to you cutting off contact then they still want it. If a dumper expresses regret or sadness about the breakup, it could be a sign that they still have feelings for you. It’s a reset moment where you have the power to implement new limitations and expectations. Probably why a lot of males who were dumped and fail to get their ex back just become players or have a new relationship almost right away. After a breakup, people often feel Mar 22, 2023 · The headline of the passage: WANT TO BE FRIENDS? Questions 27-32: List of headings [In this question type, IELTS candidates are provided with a list of headings, usually identified with lower-case Roman numerals (i, ii, iii, etc,). If you’re the one that left, they might be suggesting staying friends because they don’t want everything to end so abruptly. Heck, they probably still have feelings and don’t want to lose the attachment so suddenly. •. The reconciliation process is about righting a wrong. The thought of change can be daunting for many. Aug 8, 2023 · The person who breaks up with someone (the dumper) and the person who gets dumped (the dumpee) can find it hard to sort through their feelings after the breakup. Oct 2, 2009 · 3) Dumpers want to be friends when they want to keep you as a back-up, so they can get back together with you if things don't work out. And the dumper has a reason to reach out when he or she wants to talk or needs to talk. If someone flakes on you, isn't available when you need to talk about something going on in your life, and only seems to be available when they need you, you may be dealing with a toxic friend. Aug 25, 2021 · The dumper might hint at reconciling (we should meet up at an unspecified later date for coffee). Typically it doesn’t work out that way though, and the two just go their separate ways. You should be able to count on your friends. Nor hold him back from moving on I’m so exhausted from everything. Dec 1, 2011 · Hi, everyone, after reading a lot of threads here, I just realised that so many dumpers want to be friends after BU. ) Jul 25, 2023 · All these aspects could make him want to stick around, even though he doesn’t see a romantic future together. If they want to leave, they should leave. while you're the one suffering. Lately, it’s her who has been breaking NC and is showing signs of wanting to keep me Posting here to get some advice and opinions. Hi all, 3 weeks ago I deleted an old comment by ex GF on my Facebook profile. If they’re keeping tabs on what you’re up to, it’s likely because they still care about you and want to know what’s going on in your life. Insert romantic comedy cliché here. It shows your ex that you are not strong or confident enough to stand on your own two feet. It's like she's letting me know that I wasn't good enough to date, but she still wants the parts of me that are convenient for her. I met my ex girlfriend after 3 months of breaking up, and we cought up on each others lives. Even if he asks you to be friends and you refuse, one of the signs of dumper's remorse is when your ex still wants to be in your life somehow. Hello, we did not work out as friends although I tried. Feb 27, 2010 · malibumann. 4. It takes courage to vocalize one’s regrets and admit fault, so if your ex is taking ownership of their actions during the relationship and acknowledging how they may have Aug 20, 2022 · 1. Obviously, everyone has their own stuff to worry about, but true friends are willing to Feb 1, 2021 · Let’s take a moment and explore. He’ll want to keep you in his life to provide a female presence in his life, at least until he meets someone new. Apr 25, 2023 · If he's truly obsessed and upset, he may even pester you, your friends, and your family on social media. Your ex is okay with the way things are because you don’t smother, anger, or repulse your ex. Booty calls. It was 3 months ago and I've been largely NC throughout, only responding to essential requests, like for her stuff etc. Aug 18, 2021 · aware of the emotional states of both the listener and the speaker. The dumpee will disclose their battle plan to right all relationship mistakes. my ex asked me to be friends Even if they leave, they still have you in their lifeas a friend. And she is using the fact that you May 17, 2022 · 8) She says she wants to be friends. From my experience, sometimes they don't reach out because the dumper: Fears being rejected or ignored by the dumpee. Being friends only restricts your grieving process and only pushes him further away from wanting you back. To answer the original question: Reply reply. Dec 2, 2011 · The two times I was dumped, one wanted to be friends and one didn't. You know just basic dumper stuff. But as a dumper, you dump someone because they dont wants us in their life, BUT ask to be friends. If it makes her feel better, yippee Even just to say sorry about something you did wrong, or to clear the air, or try to reach out to be friends. Keep moving forward w/o him. Last thing, if you decide to take her back after she’s dumped you, then you need to set some boundaries going forward. - Probably. Muchmoss. It also means that she still loves you as a friend, so now it is time to get the romantic spark back. When she is saying that she is afraid you won't talk to her, as a dumper, in essence she is asking you to stay connected to her under the terms she wants. I know much more about relationships now than I ever have. Mar 15, 2024 · If your ex still wants to be friends, they might realize all the positives that you brought to your life. #1. We both pretty much alternate when it comes initiating the conversation (though at times, I feel that if I haven’t messaged, I won’t hear back from her at all some I’m so grateful we’re no contact. The dumpee will take responsibility for everything going wrong. Acknowledge your feelings: Recognize that it’s okay to feel hurt, upset, or angry about being blamed. Like brand new and reintroduce ourselves. You lose your self-respect; they lose respect for you. tipsIf You Feel My Content Has Helped You, Please Consider Buying Mar 5, 2018 · The dumper stops being silent (or in other words, reaches out) when the dumper has a reason to reach out. And the reason it didn't last with the 4 year, was because she didn't want to wait for me to finish grad school to start a family. Definitely depends on the situation and the nature of the person. It is a time of unrealistic absolutism. Instead of calmly talking through their issues and asking for advice, they bombard you with long-winded emotional rants and complaints. You can’t get a much clearer sign of dumper’s remorse than this. I would have finished in 6 months. Because of the initial idealization phase Oct 2, 2023 · The transition into friendship often feels like a more comfortable step-down, rather than a harsh cliff drop. I didn't want to pester her so I let her go. Leaving whichever one who hasnt behind to start the healing process all over again, with more pain. Someone to talk about their issues without feeling bad about talking about them ( it's nice not having to impresa someone). But until that happens (if it ever does) you have no reason to feel guilty. , It's hard for me to understand how the dumper doesn't want to be friends. Dumper wants friendship. It however ended up sliding into talking about the relationship and the break up. It's scary to reach out for dumpees or dumpers. May 18, 2020 · People have the hardest time breaking up with narcissists because they are very addictive. I did it as dumpee though. The Dumper wants to stay friends for nearly the same reasons as the Dumpee, only their motivation is different: They often want you around because they also don’t want to lose you. Venting is a healthy form of dealing with events. but he was having panic attacks and anxiety about being in the relationship. Mar 1, 2023 · If you are too hurt to enjoy a platonic relationship, or if you simply don’t like her that much because she’s treated you badly, use one of these replies to cut ties. Jul 9, 2014 · If you do not need any answers or closure, and do not want to be "friends", then just let her know that. She is cutting ties, wants you less. Guy 1 practically had a temper tantrum; "I don't WANT to be friends!" and Guy 2 said yes to friends but quickly moved on and never returned my messages. You’re probably just minding your business while your ex is minding his or hers. The easiest way for dumpers to contact their dumpees nonchalantly is to tell them something that interests them. Probably she has someone in sight. She was the one who ultimately wants us to be able to do the kind of activities we did before (game/watch TV shows together) but currently we are only communicating once a week. This is a complete guide on the psychology of dumpers remorse after a breakup. I’m the dumper and I definitely don’t want to be friends. I’m glad you were honest with me, but I think I already like you a bit too much to just be friends. Your partner tells you she wants to be friends after breaking up. I think neither makes sense. Some will try to bad-mouth you to your immediate friends and family. 4) Dumpers want to be friends when they want to retain some benefit they're getting from the relationship, be it sex, or money, or free food if you work in a restaurant, etc. That will only work out one way. The dumper wants the relationship to be over so the dumpee can do whatever they want. But yeah I will always love her and be happy, but if there is no possibility of reconciliation there is no point in being friends for so many reasons. Happened during my last two breakups - I was the dumper and I offered friendship. Sep 20, 2023 · #8 They want to be friends Perhaps the dumper is hell-bent on wanting to be friends with you and breaking the myth that exes cannot be friends. They want you to come crawling back to feed their ego. He wants to stay in touch to give and receive support and feel better about breaking your heart. If you ever get to a point where you are truly comfortable with that, more power to you. Said he still loves me, cares about me, is attracted to me, not interested in seeing others, etc. When a friend vents to you, there is an interaction, an engagement between you (the listener) and the venter (your friend). Then out of the woods come all their friends and a lineup of guys excited the breakup is over ready to be that “friend” to get close with her now that she’s lonely looking for company. Personally will not do it especially since he was the dumper. He sure wouldn’t apologize unless he really feels regret. She didn't want to be with you officially or otherwise. The type of smearing ranges in severity. They know you’ve built something together, and they want to keep in touch with you because it’s hard just to let go. Many people often think that narcissists love themselves and it does appear that way. I want to express without hesitation that these feelings never went away. If the guy was the one who dumped the girl and wants to remain friends they want a fuck buddy. You'll notice he's quieter than usual and doesn’t message or call even to discuss practical matters like canceling Apr 18, 2023 · Reasons Why The Dumper Always Comes Back. In reality she wants another person. An ex who regrets the breakup will make sure they stay in the picture somehow because they know out of sight means out of mind. Then, you move on and now he wants u to leave your boyfriend and come back. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. I am the dumper, but I did it because my ex was a cheating gaslighter and didn’t bother to let me go, so I had to end it myself. IF they dumped you for someone else without thought an consideration they will treat yo badly post break up even when stating they want to be friends. 3) He keeps an eye on your social media profiles. He insists on coming back into your life. Apr 12, 2022 · Narcissists cannot be alone and this is why upon breaking up with someone, they jump into relationships as soon as they possibly can. Give the child some time to heal before focusing She ended our 4 month situationship abruptly this summer, over text, but wanted for us to stay friends because of how compatible we were/are (?). Dec 13, 2011 · Note that it doesn't always work like this. They Actually Mean It But Only In The Moment. "Will we ever be friends" Aug 11, 2015 · Let go of the idea of mending the relationship and create your own form of closure. There is no 'healing together'. If you give in and text them first, they’ll know you’re still interested. Last communication and contact could be a life lesson for her. I think there are a couple of reasons. But he doesn’t want to? I’m not quite sure A lot of people on here say that it’s the dumper who should reach out if they want to get back together and/or reconcile. She doesn't get to toss you aside and then expect you to want to be her friend. Every man is a little different in his values and thoughts, but the male dumper’s regret timeline follows a similar pattern. ), then the dumper still might be happier outside of the relationship - perhaps just not as happy as they initially thought. One, they truly do value and care for their ex, they don't want to lose them completely, they want to be sure the ex is okay and hopefully see them through to a better and happier place. I think it’s unhealthy and unsafe mentally and emotionally to be friends with your ex after a breakup, at least for awhile. 7. He saw this and realized that if she was willing to gamble their relationship to force him to do what she wanted, maybe she didn't value him enough. To be fair, this is more common with a casual or short-term relationship. I hadn't seen her since the breakup and we happened to run into each other leading to an extremely awkward interaction which afterwards, I ended up crying. But maybe I'm just too optimistic. You can be friends with your ex, but only after a period of time apart, and only if both sides want it. And I don’t want to end up hurt, again. I think I've grown a lot as a person however. The dumper doesn’t want to feel like a bad person (they are the hero in their eyes). Today I discovered… . Thing # 1. If the dumper is waiting for you to call, don't. If the relationship was actually a bad one (with cheating, abuse, etc. They may still want a friendship so you can help support them, even if it’s not in a romantic way. Also I found out she had moved on very quickly with someone else and feel they had been talking when we were still together at 9) They Express Regret Or Sadness About The Breakup. He doesn’t chase you anymore. The dumpee’s friends and family might suggest sending gifts or letters to their ex to convince them to return. seriously, the dumper would do ANYTHING to make herself feel like she's a good person by being friendly and talkative, and when the dumpee ignores or being cold, then it's his fault because he's a jerk. 29. She dumped you. However, in my case, my ex (dumper) never contacts me after BU, and its been more than half yr now. Below, Dr. A fearful-avoidant dumper will have a lot of questions and will detach themself right after the breakup. The dumper may come back due to fear of being alone, regret and remorse, need for validation, lack of closure, desire for familiarity, loneliness, enjoyment of time with you, still being in love with you, seeing you as a better person now or viewing you as an easy target. It was a photo of me and my dad from last Christmas. Aug 3, 2020 · My ex broke up with me 8 months ago, I begged for 4 months then I went to NC for 3 months. However, there are instances when the dumper unexpectedly reaches Apr 26, 2017 · One kid wants to continue the friendship, but the other kid is drawn to a new best friend or a new (perhaps more popular) group of friends. I got back with the one who wanted to be friends for about 4 years. Aug 9, 2018 · Hoovering, aptly named after the Hoover vacuum, is a technique narcissists use to try to “suck” their victims back into the vicious cycle of abuse and regain control, especially if their He didn't take the bait. He broke it off 2 weeks ago. Honestly, to me it just feels wrong for her to be the one to say this. My ex and I (wlw relationship) have been broken up for nearly a year now and we were super close friends before we started dating. Take the high road and just say you are on a new path in life and you appreciate the "friend offer", however. You can’t just turn your love for someone off like a switch. Find out why the dumper wants to be friends after a breakup, and if it is a good idea or not. I, personally, think the whole staying friends thing is waaaay overrated. So essentially, they just really want to be friends. The only goal of emotional dumping is to make the other person feel better by offloading their problems onto you. 9. Comfort and familiarity could be the third reason he wants to keep the friendship alive. Mar 5, 2018 · The reason why your ex is still friends with you on Facebook, Instagram, and other social media platforms is that your ex doesn’t see a reason to unfriend you. Blas_N_M. Isn't sure if the dumpee has worked on themselves. t. Apr 21, 2008 · Rant, RaNt, Rant. This would indicate that your ex used an item of your interest to reach out and converse with you. They dumped you. So, I'd hope the dumper wouldn't offer friendship just to keep the dumpee hanging around with false hopes. [See: 10 Concerns Yeah, being a friend isn't an option unless you're okay with it. Oct 5, 2019 · We stay in a bad relationship out of guilt and obligation because we don’t want to disappoint friends, family, and children who will be upset if we dump their friend, their parent, their son or 1. Gives them a bit of power over the breakup, boosts their ego. It might be because they want to keep you as a potential backup in case things DON’T work out with someone new. He reached out twice via mutual friend On Facebook to send me greetings when I were visiting a mutual friend at his old neighborhood. Dumper begging to stay friends. If you notice that someone who dumped you suddenly likes or comments on your posts, it could be a sign that they want you back. Many fearful avoidant dumpers who feel that there were more happy times than unhappy ones don’t want to lose connection and to distance from the happy memories. It will keep the pain fresh and give you false hope. It'll be hard but I promise that you don't need them as a friend. basically dumpers want to be friends to either alleviate their guilt and/or use you as a backup plan or rainy day option. Most people share a common desire for connection and intimacy, even with commitment issues or an If your goal is to get back with him, don't be friends. No longer do they post spiteful things about you on social media or try to make you jealous by dating other people. Commonly, though, dumpers push to be friends because of a combination of two motives. They won’t give your stuff back. In my situation, ex wanted to stay friends because we were best friends for a while, and I was “too important” and she didn’t wanna hurt me. Jun 26, 2023 · Most dumper will ask to be your friends after a breakup. It happens. It was manipulation. Feb 1, 2022 · So, your avoidant ex wants to be friends for the express reason of avoiding the need to take responsibility for their actions and the cause of their actions, which is mostly their avoidant attachment style. Never giving anything away, just core Why women want to stay friends with the guy they have dumped: 1. In Apr 8, 2023 · It’s important to recognize that being blamed by a dumper after a breakup is not your fault. They too don't want to lose you but they want to get rid of you Jan 2, 2019 · The Dumper will test your determination. Plus, we owned a dog together. Wants to keep you as an option. They Hang Around. E. 10. For one, if the guy initiated the breakup he probably wants to make it as painless as possible and deter hurting your feelings too much. Unless its all in, its a waste of time. It shows your ex that you are willing to settle for less than what you want. Dec 3, 2020 · Narcissists love to smear their ex-parters to gain attention, empathy, and validation from other people. She even told our best mutual friend that she didnt mind of being friend with me Break-ups are inherently “bad” or unnatural. Acknowledge your child’s hurt or angry feelings. And of course she said that she still wanted to be my friend, but everytime I would act as her friend, she would start saying she's getting smothered and Jul 4, 2022 · If your ex says they miss you and they match these words with the willingness to act, it is a reliable sign you are dealing with a case of dumper’s regret. He is doing so in the hopes that you'll respond to him. They tend to be charming and seemingly authentic in their ways. Comfort and Familiarity. I found your diary and thought you would want it back. She wanted to be friends but I said that could never happen. My ex, who dumped me, just told me they hope that we can still be friends one day. She found someone else and started to ignore me. He hasn’t met someone new yet. **. Jun 19, 2023 · He might try to apologize for one thing at a time, and over a short period, he’ll list every little thing that he thinks he did wrong during your relationship. Aug 24, 2016 · This can happen with relationships that lasted a long time or a short time. When narcissists are alone, they are insecure and afraid. As someone venting, you are always aware of how you are coming across and you never let it take over the Stage #1: He's Goes Super Quiet. The one who holds out longer (does not initiate contact) has the power. 13. More often than not, when an ex tells you that they want to be friends with you May 18, 2021 · The happier you appear the angrier he is going to get short term. I'm honestly looking for people's opinions/views on this. Jul 9, 2014 · she doesnt want you back, she broke up with the other guy and you are like an old teddy bear, familiar and comfortable but not exciting, but she is feeling a little down and she is thinking she will hang out with you for awhile, maybe get an egoboost by seeing you are still hooked on her and once she meets someone else you will be tossed away with no thought to the pain she may have reopened. Nov 4, 2023 · 1. There HAS to be a period of no contact or there’s no salvaging the friendship. The dumper wants to talk when he or she is bored, curious, and nostalgic and wants friendship or friendship with benefits. This is actually a really important time for you to gain some leverage in the relationship. If it was a pretty serious relationship, and the breakup was just one sided, then I think the dumper should respect the healing time of the dumpee and We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. A heading will refer to the main idea of the paragraph or section of the text. Fear Of Being Alone. 2. lq ip tc kp wf xw wv mz nr so